As part of an exploratory project on comfort zones, working closely with Uscreates, I have pledged to keep a record of a 10 day experiment into changing (in this case my own) habitual behaviour patterns. The purpose of this blog is to record my actions, or, more specifically, to oblige me into completing a series of actions by exploiting the positive aspects of a so-called “audience-effect” – the basic idea being that I’m more likely to perform better at a task/ series of tasks if I feel I am under the scrutiny of a passive, hidden audience. Additionally, of course, I will be able to chart my progress, discuss challenges, make observations, speculate on successful future strategies for behavioural development processes etc.
In addition, I will post a short video on wednesday 17th September, that will provide illustrative evidence of my process.
This kind of research is of especial interest to me, and is closely linked with my recent graduation project from which I am drawing upon some previous experience.
If you remember, day one began at lunch – therefore I needed to finish on a breakfast.
So as to soften the blow of last night, I had what I was supposed to – Shreddies (Malties)
Thats it. I finally lost it. Absolutely this time – no mistakes, no excuses or allowances or amendments. I deliberately, on the last meal, did not cook and eat what I was supposed to. It’s a real shame actually – falling at the final hurdle. The menu said “fishcakes, courgettes and peas”. It was about half six before I looked at the menu. I had none of those things (not even frozen peas!).
My decision boils down to losing my engagement with the projects intentions. I was facing too many value conflicts. The value of ‘achievement’ was up against:
1) feeling pretty sure I had failed anyway -through excuses and exceptions, but mainly from the screwup on day 8.
2) not wanting to commit the time, at that time – to finding a recipe, going down to the shops, coming back and preparing the food.
3) not wanting to spend (read waste) money on ingredients I didn’t really want. I don’t even like courgettes
4) quick, greasy, tasty crispy chicken and curly fries, burning a whole in the back of the freezer.
6) having lots of work to do.
Apparently, it is not so effective to attempt to “fool” your own personal value system into restructuring itself, or at least, not to such a degree.
Of course, all in all, this is an interesting attempt, and i’ll think about where to go next, but its still quite disheartening. I do feel like i’ve let my longer-term goal be undermined by lesser, short-term goals.
Beans and Cheese on Toast. i’ve gone for Brie, though I guess i meant cheddar at the time. This was actually OK, i was pretty much in the right mood for beans on toast anyway. I don’t know if I would have bothered if I wasn’t. I’m looking at all my unscheduled food with hungry anticipation. I’m getting a craving for fruit, which I carelessly omitted in my menu.
I forgot to take a picture of breakfast. It was Malties again. I should be quite excited about it being the last day I suppose but I’m just a bit fed up with it. I want to be free! I want to eat normally again!
I love pepperoni pizzas but I cant stand these Sainsbury’s Italian stone base ones. ugh! The bits of onion are HUGE and they dont cook properly and are all slimy and flavourless and just thinking about them is making me pull a squinty half-grimace. bleugh.
I may have well have had pizza anyway, but by being “forced” to eat it, i was very aware of how unhealthy it was. Taking the will, the freedom out of something might well be the most effective way of ruining it, even if it is pleasurable. I’m reminded of that “sit down and smoke every one of them” technique parents might supposedly use if they catch their kids smoking.
Jam sandwich and an apple.
I haven’t had Jam in ages, i bought blackberry because I’d normally get strawberry, and strawberry seems the default “fruit” flavour for so many sugary products anyway – i was a bit sick of it.
It was ok i guess. I think boredom is beginning to creep in. It’s a suprising amount of effort having to both make these commitments, and then comment on them (thats why some of these posts have been added belatedly).